And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
