drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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