i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think my vagina is haunted
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
