If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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