NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
