I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize