I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
