You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
