Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
