I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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