the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
