Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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