omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
