Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
