that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
