Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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