The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we're making bets on your personal life
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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