Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
