She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
