And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
