Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I can't turn off my feet"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
