sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
