I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
