I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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