i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
