Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
