please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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