seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
