i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
