Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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