Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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