I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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