dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
But break dance skills will only take you so far
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
