saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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