I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
