i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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