Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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