No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
