bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
