No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
