I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
