I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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