he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
