and she was petting her beer can
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
