the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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