remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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