so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
