Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
