I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
