i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize