Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
