I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
