I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
