Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just invented taco cereal.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
