do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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