He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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