dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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