So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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