Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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