She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
