We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
