I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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