so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
This house was built for laser tag.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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