Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
