So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
