You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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