Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize