she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
