Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize