do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
