It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
