Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
