Please, let me fuck your mom
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
