The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
