Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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