who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
cat food counts as protein by the way
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
