The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
