I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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