walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
