So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
