He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
