she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
They have beer where we have blood.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
