And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
