If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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