his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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