Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
