i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
