Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
