people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
