i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
