Will you blow on my dice?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
