I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
