There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
